DC, the new Constantinople?

It seems like you Americans are unwittingly dodging a much more nocuous cultural self-destruction mechanism than your mere gluttony and insatiable, money-hungry Wall Street exploits . At the heart of your nation lies a much deeper cultural pathogen, and as your wise and altruistic asian correspondent, I must unveil this latent apocolyptic force. But do not fret O American brothers, for in my timeless humble spirit, I will attempt to dispense a long-guarded Buddhist adage that might provide reprieve to your otherwise worrisome future. You can thank me later with micromagic french fries and other savory treats that you have invented with your "technological" magic, but les begin:

Let me first present to you the Great American Aroo Family:




(Tagged in Pictures, Left to Right: Lil DizzyDannyAroo330,
Lil Tinaroo330, Lil Leem2486Aroo330, Lil Bobaroo330)

Remember the days of the good American camping Trip? These days seem to be long gone, and as such, provides a parallel juxtaposition towards the ebbing family value system currently feebly treading along in the US. What happened to the glory days of the precious interconnected realms of family, time, and respect. The great American Aroo family provides an archetypal image of the Golden Years of the US that has faded to black. Just look at these happy campers!; So happy, they even adopted an Asian to call their own!


(What is so funny in this picture you ask? Well, It's cuz Lil Bobaroo330 farted)

I shall now offer a simple, yet well-guarded secret passed down through my Asian lineage that should act as a cultural elixir to these ingrained cultural maladies. Though it tears me apart to betray my ancestral mentors, this is a necessary step to prevent a global breakdown worse than the subprime economic quagmire.

So here it is ...

With out further adieu ...

This simple yet effective advice ...

That I must scream, despite its subtle delicacy ...

So finally, as my heritage affirms with Asian Pride ...

JUST BEAT THE LIVING $#%#%@% OUT OF YOUR KIDS!!!

Excuse my Taiwanese, but it was necessary. This simple advice has been the foundation to Asian upbringing over the course of 5000 years, and has yet to be proven ineffective. Do not forget, China had the world largest GDP for 8 or 9 of the past 10 centuries.

Let us re-examine the Great American Aroo Family once again. In this following photo, you shall see a conspicuous example of the difference between US and Asian upbringing. One child was beaten as a child, the other one wasn't ... can you guess which child decides to look up at the request of the parent to take a photo??


(Example of beaten child vs non-beaten child: Look up Bobby, Say Cheese!!!!)

Lil Bobaroo330 refuses to obey his parents! And yet the always obedient Lil Leem2486Aroo330 looks up in obsequious validation.

Here is a link to the great instructional video of all time on how to beat your kids. The Title is Tom Yum Goong, or Thai for "How to beat the living $##%% of our kids". The US released it under the euphemnism, The Protector, but that is an obvious cultural mis-translation and misappropriation.



We Asians watch this for better parenting technique. You guys should watch it before you get us into another historic global maelstrom and have the taxpayers bail you out.

Do it or I'll send Tony Jaa on you - he's like Chuck Norris, but more Asian and better.

- Asian Correspondent, here to provide a 'slant' on things