DC, the new Constantinople?

It seems like you Americans are unwittingly dodging a much more nocuous cultural self-destruction mechanism than your mere gluttony and insatiable, money-hungry Wall Street exploits . At the heart of your nation lies a much deeper cultural pathogen, and as your wise and altruistic asian correspondent, I must unveil this latent apocolyptic force. But do not fret O American brothers, for in my timeless humble spirit, I will attempt to dispense a long-guarded Buddhist adage that might provide reprieve to your otherwise worrisome future. You can thank me later with micromagic french fries and other savory treats that you have invented with your "technological" magic, but les begin:

Let me first present to you the Great American Aroo Family:




(Tagged in Pictures, Left to Right: Lil DizzyDannyAroo330,
Lil Tinaroo330, Lil Leem2486Aroo330, Lil Bobaroo330)

Remember the days of the good American camping Trip? These days seem to be long gone, and as such, provides a parallel juxtaposition towards the ebbing family value system currently feebly treading along in the US. What happened to the glory days of the precious interconnected realms of family, time, and respect. The great American Aroo family provides an archetypal image of the Golden Years of the US that has faded to black. Just look at these happy campers!; So happy, they even adopted an Asian to call their own!


(What is so funny in this picture you ask? Well, It's cuz Lil Bobaroo330 farted)

I shall now offer a simple, yet well-guarded secret passed down through my Asian lineage that should act as a cultural elixir to these ingrained cultural maladies. Though it tears me apart to betray my ancestral mentors, this is a necessary step to prevent a global breakdown worse than the subprime economic quagmire.

So here it is ...

With out further adieu ...

This simple yet effective advice ...

That I must scream, despite its subtle delicacy ...

So finally, as my heritage affirms with Asian Pride ...

JUST BEAT THE LIVING $#%#%@% OUT OF YOUR KIDS!!!

Excuse my Taiwanese, but it was necessary. This simple advice has been the foundation to Asian upbringing over the course of 5000 years, and has yet to be proven ineffective. Do not forget, China had the world largest GDP for 8 or 9 of the past 10 centuries.

Let us re-examine the Great American Aroo Family once again. In this following photo, you shall see a conspicuous example of the difference between US and Asian upbringing. One child was beaten as a child, the other one wasn't ... can you guess which child decides to look up at the request of the parent to take a photo??


(Example of beaten child vs non-beaten child: Look up Bobby, Say Cheese!!!!)

Lil Bobaroo330 refuses to obey his parents! And yet the always obedient Lil Leem2486Aroo330 looks up in obsequious validation.

Here is a link to the great instructional video of all time on how to beat your kids. The Title is Tom Yum Goong, or Thai for "How to beat the living $##%% of our kids". The US released it under the euphemnism, The Protector, but that is an obvious cultural mis-translation and misappropriation.



We Asians watch this for better parenting technique. You guys should watch it before you get us into another historic global maelstrom and have the taxpayers bail you out.

Do it or I'll send Tony Jaa on you - he's like Chuck Norris, but more Asian and better.

- Asian Correspondent, here to provide a 'slant' on things

Russian grievances, American negroness

If the NHL Playoffs are being played in the US, and no sane being hears it, does it still make a sound?
- Riddle of the Day

Miss the days when I could wake up to this:


Those were the days...

- Asian Correspondent, here to provie a 'slant' on things

Chevy Chase Quote of the Day

"Your uncle molests collies."- as Ty Webb in Caddyshack, explaining why Judge Smails thinks Mr. Webb is incompetent

Lord Palmerston, LBJ, Devils, Obama, Ric Flair. Only several degrees of separation

It's been a long month. Sorry for the absence. I thought I'd drop by briefly and let you know whats on my mind....

2 Lord Palmerston References in Two days. Coincidence? I think not. Yes, there is the token Wall Street Journal article criticizing Obama's foreign policy. I mean... he has illustrated many strengths in dealing with the international community. If by strength one was to mean weakness, incompetence, and unamericanism. I wish we could go back to the good old days of enhanced interrogation techniques, which allowed for placing suspected terrorists into confined spaces with stinging insects, as long as you informed them that the stings were not lethal. 

While a legitimate newspaper like the Journal referenced Palmerston, I was surprised when a liberal propaganda tool also referenced Palmerston's views that nations have no permanent friends, just permanent interests. Of course, they were not referring to the strategy of Obamania, but rather the statesmanship of LBJ. Oh yea and how about those devils sucking in OT. They better not go down 2-1 this sunday at Carolina, current home of Ric Flair. 

Brilliance...

Well it has been some time since i graced these hallowed halls with my brilliance. There is a good reason for that, I myself am doing my part in helping America recover. Unlike some correspo...others i wake up each morning and put in a 'hard days' effort at the office. Now i am not trying to consume you with petty differences but rather unite us with common interests. So let us move on from this dark period.

Since we all enjoy a good laugh and can always use a smile, I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite music videos of all time. Now i am not talking about the MTV when they showed videos, video here, but the unknown. These videos, probably never saw the light of day on MTV, and the world is a worse place because of it. Instead of showing garbage they should have been showing these works. The following videos are ones I have found perchance or been lucky enough to have shared with me by other geniuses.

So stop take a few moments and enjoy these pieces of true art.

Blazin Squad - Tha Crossroads
Tha Crossroads, hmm surely means the classic work of Bone Thugs N' Harmony. Well you are partially correct. So pat yourself on the back. But now prepare to have your mind blown. As a youth growing up on the mean suburb streets, I could obviously understand what the Bone was singing/rapping (has it ever been decided) about. But across the pond, there were 10 young men who not only understand what these 5 men from Cleveland Ohio, USA talking about. They were so inspired that they created their own version of BTNH's hard work on their album. Not only did they do this, but thanks to some divine inspiration it was chosen to be there lead single and thus the world has become a better place because of their video. I am sure Krayzie was less than thrilled, but he got paid so he recommends this video as well. So please sit back and prepare to be amazed.



Claude François - Cett Année La/Yannick - Ces Soirées-là
There are few countries i find less interesting and pointless than France. Cool they gave us a national symbol (Everyone knows this was given to show their gratitude for what we had given their country). But come on what has that country ever really given the world? They needed our revolution to occur, before having the courage to attempt their own (Why we deserved their previosuly mentioned gift). We had to bail them out. If this wasn't enough, we had to go fix another mess, becuase they couldn't. So basically France has a massive debt to us. Now i must say they have been trying to repay us. It is not a coincedence that one of the greatest video games of all time is set in France, just some payback. The following videos are two examples of more said payback. However these works hardly count as payback, since the Frogs needed American inpsiration to guide them once again. Nevertheless any video that uses the jumping jack as a dance move or disco moves in the 21st century works for me.


There you go, 3 brilliant music videos, that scream entertainment. I hope you enjoy them.

This weeks Movie of the Week is in honor of the 39th anniversary of this event. What other movie could have sparked interest in this place?


--Dan

I am Boris, I am INVINCIBLE!

The Russian is ALIVE!



as for the American ...



- Asian Correspondent, Here to provide a 'slant' on things.

CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING CAFFEINE TOXICITY. WILL RETURN TO BLOGGING DUTIES 72 HOURS FROM NOW. 

UNC wins Title: Tyler Hansborough loses Relevancy

Another day .. and another lack of a scintilla of credulous authorship from my American and Russian counterparts: could it be that they have already abandoned their virtual baby? The coupling of Russo-American relations has never faired well, but all is well folks, as I attempt to squeeze out and lather on some literary ointment onto the insensitivies my ethnic co-authors have displayed this past week or so.. Let us exercise patience and forgive their imprudence though. Their salvo is surely in the works.

Onto a more relevant issue of irrelevancy. So the followers of college basketball must know by now the utter and abysmal conquest of UNC over MSU in Monday's confusion of a basketball game. I was confused by the score within the first 3:30 minutes (17-7), why millions of educated Americans prefer college basketball over the NBA, why Hasheem Thabeet was in attendence by himself (Too tall to have UCONN Bball friends? Too Cool for School?), why Larry Bird and Magic Johnson still look the same as they did 10 years ago (The Curious Case of LB and MJ?), why Magic Johnson still seems as healthy as ever (Did they find a cure for HIV under my own knowledge-sleuth of a nose? So thats how he got his nickname...), as I finally switched off the TV, and the American media and public switched off Tyler Hansborough from their lives. Its true, the over-lionized Media darling of yester-years has finally ceased to rub his face into my TV screen every March for the last 3years. Sorry Tyler, I know its not your fault, but les move on...

In accordance with my responsiblities as an Asian Correspondent, here's a funny asian clip



O wait..those dudes were not Asian..

- Asian Correspondent, here to provide a 'slant' on things

Weeds

So ... ... given the dearth of materials provided by the other "authors" of this blog, I thought I'd contribute some news to placate the palates of the audience (?)out there.

To provide fodder for my prolific stoner friends, a recent article by Times.com has brought to my attention the validity of the arguments for the legalization of marjuana, especially in light of the recent economic recession. If perchance you are overcome with such lethargy (you lazy Amer...) to spend a productive minute reading the contrarian views linked above, the general gist is as follows, as excerpted:

"We spend about $150 billion on policing and courts, and 47.5% of all arrests are marijuana-related. That is an awful lot of money, most of it nonfederal, that could be spent on better schools or infrastructure — or simply returned to the public."

So the resolution to our economic demise, can be in fact, to smoke our way to an economic ... high - pardon the pun - but I must say... GENIUS

Of all the creative intellects the US has created as a product of this mental nourishment, the great American artiste, Sean Penn, in perhaps his greatest work, shows us all the mertis of this artistic vegetation



To keep this asian relevant, here's a thai elephant, that paints:



He was prob high.

- Asian Correspondent, here to provide a 'slant' on things

Greetings from Your Asianness

Nee-Hao my fellow Americans (and Russian). I am sure the readers of this blog have already felt the full, edifying effects of the intelligent scribbles having already been imprinted into history ... no, no, forgive my insulence ... I mean Legend, on this o so ordained of cyber-shrines. This board certainly heeds no need of extra embellishments, but the co-authors of this shrine have respectfully requested the addition of an in-house ... to be quite blunt .. Asian Correspondent.

So yes, Your Asianness, straight from the spire of Taipei 101, is currently perculating the many inner ruminations that stream and flutter inside his Asian consciousness to provide you with such Asian delights, such as Sushi, in writing. I am delighted to provide legitmacy to the site's previously defunct URL, and add some extra gravitas to the dialogue of life that transpires within this realm. Perhaps together we can find the missing piece to our lives, and aspire to that existential meaning our HS English teacher always talked about. If you don't believe, trust me, cuz I'm more Asian than you.

- Your Asian Correspondent, here to provide a 'slant' on things

**MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT**

AS OF MONDAY 3/23 AT 12:38 AM, THERE WILL BE AN "ASIAN CORRESPONDENT" CONTRIBUTING TO THE BLOG. PLEASE JOIN DAN AND PETER IN WELCOMING THE NEWEST ADDITION TO OUR TEAM

Yes, we have successfully concluded negotiations with our far eastern friend, who has agreed to come on board the writing team.

I apologize for my lack of activity but unlike some bloggers I couldn't put off the real world for 6-7 more years and go to extended college. My job has required great attention lately, even forcing me to bring work home on the weekend. Apparently some will argue that med school is hard, but how can that be if a 14 year old can become a doctor. No hard feelings exist between myself and Peter, so don't worry faithful readers, the blog will survive.

I would like to take this moment to share with you the writings of a kindred spirit, my senior year roommate Chris. He is a new blogger who, is a fellow video game, Yankees and wrestling enthusiast much like myself. His brilliance can be found here.

I will be back tomorrow to share with your some more words of wisdom that are surely beyond the ken of mortal men. Much like these.

Now in honor of the World Baseball Classic and it being one week from Opening Day, we have chosen the MOVIE OF THE WEEK accordingly. The forgotten member of a groundbreaking triliogy that has shaped your authors lives and beliefs. This film shows the grit of mankind, its determination and will to succeed. This film represents the Spirit of America itself. Enjoy...


--Dan

Peter's Wikipedia List

Selected Wiki List from the past couple days

1) Plastron

2) Wine Fraud

3)Inhalational Anthrax

4) Charles Barkley

5) States-General of the Netherlands (Parliament)

6) The Tijuana Cartel

7) Diabetes insipidus

8) The Louisiana Purchase

9) Lou Lamoriello

10) Project Gemini

Peter

"Remember Me?"

So the past few days has given me a lot of material making this entry extremely easy to write. It seems like some authors of this blog have really been slacking, blaming late nights at the office for their trouble keeping up (I’m not naming names, but I’m not referring to myself). It’s alright though, I am above that. A certain blog contributor (once again, not me) that shall remain nameless has also mentioned that he/she does not think the Shawshank Redemption is even worth watching. In addition to the obvious points about why it was great (which I won’t bore you with here), events portrayed in the movie mirror the difficult experiences the lowest rung of society faces upon their release from prison. Anyway, on to actual news:

            Vice-President Richard Cheney recently made news by accusing the Obama administration of making us less safe due to a less proactive and aggressive policy concerning interrogation and detention of those who wish to see America fail. Now without going into the merits of his argument, please consider this: Why would anyone go against a patriot that has the guts to give constructive advice to a United States Senator, not only that, but the Senate Judiciary Chairman, even though this Senator accused him of treasonous behavior??? People like Barry because he is “calm and cool?” Well I’d rather take the fiery nationalist who loves his country and willing to sacrifice his heart for it. He sort of reminds me another patriot, one who loved his country as much if not more....When you hear the name Henry Clay, what do you think of?

            I think of patriotism, I think of aggressive tactics against the British, I think of a great speaker who truly cared about this country, I think of a speaker of the house and secretary of state (Corrupt Bargain, 1824) who was outsmarted by an alcoholic. Oops, I meant to use this as the hyperlink. One of Henry Clay’s greatest (but least known) campaigns was in favor of corporal punishment for children, which I am a staunch supporter of. Speaking to a schoolteacher recently, I discovered that gone are the days where you can beat a child, or throw a rubber chicken at them, or impose any sort of effective discipline in an effort to educate. I was told, apparently, that these children nowadays are punished with a “Recess rhombus” and “traffic light.”

            The amount of time added to the recess rhombus is the amount of time subtracted from recess. So what?

            In the traffic light, Green = good, yellow = warning, red = a call home to the parents. Big deal.

            Maybe if these students were guaranteed to have effective parenting at home, this would make a different. You know who is a good father? No, not Charles Barkley. Martin Brodeur. He negotiates his own contracts and takes less money for the chance to stay with the organization he truly loves, and be close to his children. He has also tied Patrick Roy’s career win record the other night. Congratulations Marty!! By the way, the Devils have 3 games in hand vs. the Bruins and are only 6 points down.

 

Medical Condition of the Week- Neurogenic Orthostatic Hypotension

What happens in a normal person (who does not have this)

1- you are lying down in bed

2- you stand up quickly

3- blood pools in your lower extremities

4- venous return to the heart drops

5- pressure receptors in the aortic arch and carotid sinus sense sense this drop in blood pressure

6- they send less signals to the brain because of a drop in blood pressure

7- brain is like uh oh, we need to increase cardiac output

8- brain send a signal to activate more of the sympathetic nervous system

9- heart rate increases, contractility (amount that is pumped with each  beat) increases, blood pressure is compensated for

An orthostatic individual….

Does not compensate as quickly depending on severity

                        - blood flow to brain drops

                        - you faint

                       

Disease you definitely do not want to get- Necrotizing Fascitis

 

On this day, in 1521- Magellan (spelling?) reaches the Phillipinnes.

 

Stupid picture of the day- Cross section of the medulla

 

 

Coming next time-

    Wikipedia browsing list for the week

   President Garfield’s assassination

    …..and more

 Peter

The Bottom Line....

Greetings,

I hope everyone is enjoying one of the biggest holidays of the year. I am talking about none other than Steve Day. The day we all take a break from our hectic lives and enjoy a nice cold can of Steveweiser. The origins of this epic holiday are unknown, but generations of the finest young gentlemen GR has to offer have been known to partake in the festivities of the day. Now on to the post...

Now this post was originally planned to discuss Rommel's brilliant desert warfare tactics but the fates intervened. Rather then fleshing out the Battle of Gazala, the events of Saturday night deserve special attention.

The night began with your authors attempting to make a high priced addition to the blog, a new correspondent who himself was made in Taiwan. As of now negotiations are in a delicate stage (check back for updates).

We then traveled to the Basement Bar and Grill to begin what I thought was a celebration of Steve's Eve Eve. I instead was dismayed to learn that a celebration of St Patty was occurring. However spirits were raised with a rendition of the greatest presidential speech in history. A duel of epic proportions occurred next in the classic decision making game settled only by my opponent's questionable tactic of using a variation of the game - Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock. Justice was handed down switfly via the utter destruction of these opponents in Beer Ball.

We next journeyed to our chosen tavern of the evening. Due to the shady location of said tavern, one of our crew was dismayed that he had "forgotten his knife" (the authors do not condone such behavior or violence in any form). We entered a massive celebration of more misguided souls, ignoring the impending day of Steve to celebrate some dead guy who did something with snakes. Sad. We all know he couldn't handle a certain Texas Rattlesnake. WWSD in this situation you ask? Pound Steveweisers. And that is exactly what we did.

As we (myself) celebrated at this point the Eve of Steve. We noticed some familiar faces, some slightly changed but still familiar. Little did we know but at least five people who we had known since our days of middle school chose to celebrate Stev...St Patrick at the same establishment.

This development led to biggest event of the evening...a calling of Shenanigans. For those of you not familiar with such a call, it is an act of declaring Deception or tomfoolery. I chose to make such a drastic call against our possible new correspondent who declared that an old classmate, many of whom thought dead was in fact a fellow patron. So confident was I that I wagered naming rights (middle name to be exact, that was what was agreed Yenhan) to my future 3rd child. Now it is not everyday that such a radical Shenanigans is called but such is the power of Steve. Well sadly visual evidence confirmed the patrons identity and the middle name of my 3rd child is no longer my choice...sorry future wife.

Well after such a traumatizing event, the rest of the night is inconsequential.

I wish everyone a merry Steve Day.

And That's the Bottom Line Because Stone Cold Said So.

-Dan
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beer Dan is currently drinking: Steveweiser. What you didn't see that coming?

And introducing a new feature...The Movie of the Week. This week we have chosen a classic from the mid 90's that our new potential correspondent refers to as "Oscar Worthy"

Dumb and Dumber

It's that time of the year again...

the NHL playoffs are just around the corner, and usually that would mean that the Devils are preparing to fire their head coach. But not this year. With Brodeur's 50 game vacation, he will actually be going into the playoffs rested for once. He is 5-1 since his return....take a look at whose is #1 in ESPN's latest power rankings..

Unfortunately, the obdurate pinheads who run the league don't utilize the same intense methodology that the writers at ESPN do to determine rankings, using exotic concepts such as "Overtime Losses" to determine how teams are ranked:

W L OTL Pts

Boston 44 16 9 97

NJ 44 20 3 91

That's right....although the Devils clearly have superior talent and the momentum going into this pivotal stretch of the season, the Bruins have all but clinched the Eastern conference because.....they have lost in overtime 6 more times than the Devils. The NHL might as well use the flawed NCAA football BCS points system to determine who hockey's best team is. And please, the Bruins??? Nobody in Boston cares about hockey until the Bruins have their first good team in a century.....the biggest contribution Boston Bruins hockey has made to our society has been SeaBass from Dumb and Dumber.

Barrack Obama campaigned on a promise of "change" and "hope." How about using some of that stimulus money to fund stem cell therapies studying the possibility of fixing NHL league officials' brains?

"Change we can believe in?"

More like "Screw You, I am reinforcing the stereotype that African Americans do not like hockey."

Peter

TWIN OF THE WEEK

"Cody"

33/m/D.C.

Relationship Status: Single but up for grabs

Contact Info: "Search for me on E-Harmony"

Occupation: "I work for the government"

Congratulations, "Cody!"

The Next Magna Carta....

Welcome to a piece of history, centuries from now we are sure this blog will be compared to the Magna Carta.

I would first like to share with you the inspiration for our Blogs name and URL. These words of utter genius coincide with our heritage (My co-author is the one with possible Rosenberg-esque ties or so has been alleged by many because of a simple Russian past) and were fittingly chosen to represent our voice.

As my comrade has suggested this blog will strive to answer many of mankind's greatest quandaries.

On to some of our features...

Books Dan is currently reading: Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer

High calorie products (besides beer) Dan is currently consuming: John Boy's Penne Vodka. I'm not sure what manna from heaven tastes like but I can only hope it's as satisfying as this staple of my diet.

History fact of the day: On this day in 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev became General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union or the Commie's last fearless leader. Who knew that nine short months later he would agree to a treaty ending the Cold War after being swayed by the words of a Legend/Visionary/True Patriot.


Well not much else to say right now, check back for more updates. Bear with us as we go, we are new at this and there are going to be some mistakes in the future.

We are real excited about the blog, Peter and I have some great things planned.

Dan

Why t-PA would not have saved FDR

"My Two Cents"

Ok, so we all know that FDR died of a cerebral hemorrhage right? But hey, despite today's advances, we might not have been able to save our beloved New Dealer even if we had gotten him into the Valley Hospital ER within the 3-hour "golden window." I know what you're saying. You think I'm full of shit. Well I'm not. Yes, we all know about the studies showing the notorious "clot-buster" t-PA (tissue plasminogen

activator) is more effective at dealing with stroke patients than a blind man feeling his way through an orgy feeling. But the man who commissioned the National Emergency Council's 1938 Report on Economic Conditions of the South wasn't having a simple ischemic stroke....he had a hemorrhage. Supposedly, t-PA is absolutely contraindicated in this situation.

OR IS IT???

Not according to R. G. Gonzales. In his landmark 2006 publication "Imaging Guided Acute Ischemic Stroke Therapy: From "Time is Brain" to "Physiology is Brain," this renegade argues that 1) t-PA can be given in time periods beyond the 3-hour window, that 3 hours is complete bull, and its actually an INFINITE amount of time, and more importantly 2) That some studies have actually shown that hemorrhagic stroke victims using t-PA actually may have improved outcomes??

What does this mean??

Not a lot for the former Navy secretary in the 1920's, who cheated on his wife and was stricken with polio after he finished up his term as Governor of New York. Yes, maybe t-PA would have saved him, but a month after his massive failure at the Yalta conference, FDR decided to have his hemorrhagic cerebral aneurysm caused stroke in Warm Springs, Georgia. That's right, in exchange for vacationing at this place that helped you get through Polio, you were in a region that your own administration labeled as "desperate, full of poverty, and lacking fundamental infrastructural neccesities," like hospitals that administered t-PA. Despite critics arguments that t-PA wasn't invented in 1945, Isn't it Ironic that the attempted court-packer died in his self-described "second home" as the longest serving president?

Peter

* Anyone that gets any of the movie references above will be immediately respected by both blog authors

To Whom It May Concern:

For over 600 years, Americans have been struggling with the same issues. Here are a few listed below:

Where Can I find rifles to protect myself from Indians??

Which 1980's movie had the largest impact on the lives on us average "Joes?"

Why was Chevy Chase not more popular??

Who were the 7 best Presidents (of the United States)?

Why was Robert Todd Lincoln present at three presidential assassinations?

Was Manifest Destiny Intrinsically Racist?

These are just a few of the issues that we struggle with on a daily basis, as have our ancestors, for the nearly 3 millenia since Christ was born. We are trying to reach and communicate with Americans on both sides of the ideological divide: whether you even believe in Christ, or whether you believe of the existence of a "Rocky V." Many of the upcoming blog will be updated by the authors in a intoxicated, or at least severely mentally impaired state. While we will vary our topics, some of the main features will include:

- Types of Drugs the CIA has experimented with

- History Fact of the Day

-Our respective wikipedia browsing lists during the past day

- Book Reviews/ Suggestions

- Books Dan is currently reading

- Beers Dan is currently drinking

- High calorie products (besides beer) Dan is currently consuming

- Medical tips of the day that Peter has learned

- Movies from the decade immediately preceding the 1990s.

- Pitt the Elder vs. Lord Palmerston

- Rambo vs. Commando: Is this a choice that we even need to make as human beings

- Steroid User of the Month

- Glen Rock Citizen of the Week

- Mauro Twin of the Week

- Patriotism

There are many topics that don't show up on this list: Don't be surprised, it is by no means all inclusive. One reason for these potential oversights is that there is simply too much to write in one blog entry (but don't worry, we will get to it over the next decade that this blog is running). Another reason for oversights is the fact that I am very wasted right now. Well, I think this intro has went on long enough.

--- Peter